I get tangled up in my head when I start thinking about how to defuse someone I think is gaslighting me. Because if I am trying to get them to question their "reality" and believe what I feel is real, am I gaslighting them, from their perspective? A lot of times, these beliefs I feel are toxic are central to their identity, so if I get them to let go of them, I've met a criteria of gaslighting, according to the linked article.

I think the problem with framing things where people's behavior is driven by beliefs that are central to their identities as gaslighting is that our behavior is also driven by our beliefs and from our perspective the ideal would be that they would give up those beliefs that are causing them to act in ways that we think are toxic.

It's just a big circle where depending on where you are in the circle, everyone is gaslighting everyone.